The Revitalized Chick Pea

Renewed in Amsterdam


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Chapter 3 | F#ck being sick

Chapter 3 | F#ck being sick

YESSS, January is over, my goals have been achieved.
I’ve read the books that have been on my reading list for ages, approached various stores to sell my artworks, and practiced with photoshop. I took five hundred thousand steps during the month, instead of the four hundred thousand I initially intended. My blogs and writing were on fire because I had so much inspiration and all I wanted was to tell and share so many things with the world. Because I was feeling the positive flow. And while listening to at least one positive podcast every day I realized; I was on fire!

And then, I got sick.

Not a serious illness, just a flu that lasted way too long. But yeah, I was in the middle of waiting for my contract extension and I didn’t wanted to report sick, so I continued to work. I continued to work and therefore remained sick much longer than should have been necessary. You know how it goes. Usually it takes 3, maybe 4, days of hanging on the couch and then you simply feel better afterwards. But I have a kid, a job that I really wanted to keep and the motivation to keep going.

But my other goals shifted to the background, as I lost my motivation. In January and February I had listened to at least one motivational podcast. Now the voice of Tony (Robbins), Les (Brown) and all those other positivity gurus annoyed me, I couldn’t handle it. If you want to do something with your life then you have to work hard for it. Yes I do, I know. But right now I don’t have the strength (sounds familiar, the irritation if you want a lot but can’t when you are sick?). I got angry at myself because I couldn’t commit myself to getting started. I became even more angry at myself because I couldn’t just be kind to myself because I was sick.

That anger towards myself persisted even after my flu was over. It is actually quite difficult to get yourself back in a flow when you are angry with yourself. Trying to find that self-love again, somewhere.

With the little bit of leftover positivity that I still had within myself, I decided to take myself out. I started walking in the Amsterdam Forrest and asked myself what it was that was going wrong. Realise, this was a negative question, and I noticed that I was answering it a bit too enthusiastically. In that time my relationship wasn’t going well, I missed smoking, I received several rejections for my art prints (more about that during my next blog), I was lacking motivation and inspiration, I was tired and the list was going on and on. Then I realised; I could also flip the cards and turn it around. What has gone well lately?

Well; after 17 years (with here and there brief time-outs) I quit smoking. YESSS! I still have a hard time dealing with it, but I stopped! I have received several rejections for my prints, but I went out of my comfort zone and showed my prints to those who knew nothing about me. Plus, 2 stores did say yes and now my art prints are shining big time in both of them. YESSS! After 6 years I’m going on a holiday, alone, without a child. And not just any holiday, it’s my first holiday outside of Europe. Bali here I come! YESSS! And I gained almost 400 followers on Instagram. YESSS! I went on for a while like that, as a feeling of happiness overwhelmed me when I realized that despite the fact that I was not in an extremely positive flow, I managed to achieve quite a lot. Without realizing it myself. So next time you’re not feeling well, list the things that do go well, and be thankful for it. Small victories are also victories, so celebrate and be proud of it.

And YESSS, I can start the next month again and set new goals. And you know what, fuck it, the month May represents ME. I am going to take extra good care of myself and love myself. So spa treatments, massages and new clothes..bring it on!

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